Trust…

Even through the storm….

Post-op 4.5 weeks. HOW? I feel like it’s flown by, but at the same time I am struggling daily to understand this new journey without a thyroid. I struggle with pain, my incision, my muscles, sleep, fatigue, my cycle, moods, foods…I am agitated.

Fun fact: Your thyroid is in your neck area, not your thighs….go figure (I say this with sarcasm, because some people truly didn’t know!) Thyroidectomy happened on December 14th, 2020. I woke up after the surgery content that I did not have any adverse affects to the anesthetic. Due to C*19 I did not have anyone with me (as a ton of people who’ve walked this journey before me). I was upset. I do remember that. I was upset at the fact that they could tell me seconds after me waking, that I had 6 lymph nodes removed that were not on the scan, that were indeed cancerous. I remember questioning the doctor (who is amazing btw) why they could tell so soon that these were cancerous but some people wait FOREVER to find out their diagnosis. He didn’t have an answer for that. okay???

I have cancer. I have joined an amazing community of Thycan Warriors. I am now playing the waiting game. Waiting for labs, waiting for appointments. Thanking God that I finally received a letter from the Saskatoon Cancer Clinic with a phone call appointment for February 1st. Joy.

If I’m being honest here, C*19 is pissing me off. I realize the heaviness of it. I realize it effects us all differently. But I won’t apologize for it pissing me off.

This is the storm. I tell myself that even through all this CRAP I’m choosing to trust God. Why? Because he is a good, good Father. Because even though I don’t have answers to why I have cancer; why I have anxiety and depression; why house hunting is taking forever; why we moved away from my folks just to be thrown into this diagnosis…God knew all of this before anyone.

Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Luke 12:7

So this is where I am today. Two weeks into the new year. I will be steadfast and trust in the Lord with all my heart, soul, & mind.

Peace, love, & pistachios,